I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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