im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I need to sanitize my soul.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
