I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
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That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We're too hungover to prance.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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