I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
They have beer where we have blood.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
