Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
