my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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