He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
