I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
