Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
