I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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