quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
