This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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