Umm I'm too high to move.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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