happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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