I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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