I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
