Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
