I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The Olympian is in my bed
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
