Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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