Tell her she can't have a vagina
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
