I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
