So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
