I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
