Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
