i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
