moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
