don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
