His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
