I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
