I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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