The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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