Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
