i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
