There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
