Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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