She tied me up with her honor cords...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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