I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
