u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize