Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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