i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
3 2 1 whiskey
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
