put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
