i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
