So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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