I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
