so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
