i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
