btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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