so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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