Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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