Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
