I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
