a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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