Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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