so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
