Midget sex pt 2 tonight
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
