You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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