Sry I called you an 8
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
