how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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