respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize