At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
