She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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