so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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