Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Are we still banned from the library?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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