I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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