I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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