i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Pants are for mortals
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
