Someone shit on the floor
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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