We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
