my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
