I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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