Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
