She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You left your underwear on the fireplace
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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