I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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