I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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