If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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